the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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