the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
