WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wear drunk well.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
