I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
