I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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