I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have feelings that need drinking.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
