If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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