operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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