just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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