Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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