She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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