hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
