White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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