I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
