Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
