guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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