so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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