he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Bring me that man meat
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
