I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
