That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
this is an emotional support booty call
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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