If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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