I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
