I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
