im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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