he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
