I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
