you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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