another moral hangover. fuck.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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