WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
