just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
