nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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