if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
