it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
