I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
