Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
