it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
