Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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