tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
