Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
