Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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