i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
