So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
