he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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