Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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