Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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