Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Michael Bay diarrhea
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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