u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
