there was a trapeze. enough said
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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