I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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