WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Randomize
