i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
